沉淀 。。。

  忙完了电影，一直到今天才有机会静下来沉淀一下。

  虽然说票房大好，反应热烈，但是以本身是制作团队一员的角度来看，这不算是一部成功的作品。

  先从自己是音乐总监的部分来说，配乐其实写得不错，但当不是用真的乐器来录制的时候，很多的感觉就被抹杀掉了。对于哪种镜头需要哪种感觉的配乐也拿捏的不好。主题曲，是最让人失望的。身为作曲家，最痛苦的就是别人把自己的歌唱成完全另一个样。可能是我的要求太高，或是在作曲时用的是完美的声音来想像。有了中文歌词还要翻去韩文，又是一番功夫。有时候，有些东西，还是需要专业。

  之后再看到剧情的发展与事实上想表达的想法加上演员的诠释做的交叉比较。这剧，想要表达的东西配上剧本是刚刚好的，可是能够表达的空间和时间太短了。一部片下来感觉就是一个赶。而演员在很多地方的表达也因为之前没有足够的协调而出现错误。

  拍摄以及后期制作，导演已经尽量了，没什么好说的。能说的还是专业。拍摄有人聊天，搞笑，东西没做好，台词不知道，时间赶不到，动作没想好，表情动不了，声音僵硬了。还有一点是时间，根本没时间来第二次，所以多烂的镜头也都照收，少了对于演员的要求。

  总地来说，这次的制作，在规模上是有不错的成长，团队变大了，人变多了，可在艺术层面上来看，可惜地讲，比起《心目中的她》时下降了。

  人多好办事，并不一定是对的。时间不够用，也不能总是成为借口。

  很多时候，很多东西，还是需要专业。

                                                                                                 


  接下来，就考试了，考完两个试，就走了。

  之后，会怎样呢？

  以后，会怎样呢？

Durians 。。。

  Dinner with mother, a man and another man.

  Thank God for giving me the will to stop myself from pouring the glass of beer on him and fuck the whole place up.

  In the middle of discussion, suddenly he began talking about how he took motorbike and went for grilled  chicken wings, how he stole durians from his university. Seriously? Durians and chicken wings?

  I guess I can never understand why. This is not the first time I thought about this matter, but am sure that this won't be the last. By telling yourselves that you can't change others, change yourselves worked well, but still, when there just aren't enough room for changes, or even a change, you'll just have to accept, and that's not something easy. It's a lesson everyone has to learn.

  But, I prefer killing them.

Yves

Nemesis 。。。

  It's been a harsh day, fragile life. He who died with no name. I shall name him Nemesis.

  Never had he a name, now a past, with a name.

  It is an interesting thing that although not entirely obvious, God seems to be, step by step, taking away things that might be holding me back in Malaysia. First Her, then It, now Him. Not saying that his death is something good but it seemed to be just right on time.

  Everything, just right on time.

  But still, it hurts.


Yves.

The Need 。。。

  Been thinking recently about why people were often stuck in a relationship loop and couldn't relieve themselves. Especially for teenagers whose life long targets still seemed far away and the need for self recognition uncontrollably kicking in. With this we can explain why that puppy love or what we called pre-matured relationship usually don't work out fine. It is that under these influences, what we were looking for wasn't quite the definition of love in the adults world. Love often speaks of obligations, responsibility and commitment. What teenagers have are the need to be needed. Of course The Need exist not only for teens, in fact, it is a human nature to feel an emptiness inside that needs to be filled. The difference is that through proper psychological development, we can actually differentiate the feeling generated by our brains whether they are primal or mutual thus avoid unwanted tragedies or fulfill temporal satisfaction, a.k.a, have sex. 

  There are people whose resolution is to shut everything down and concentrate on themselves, fulfilling the need by themselves. Kind of like Hermaphroditism. Obvious cases on people telling the world about career above everything, which is good actually according to current social and moral standard. However, this will not prove the absence of the need but an inversion of the original, the other way round. You need yourself. 

  All in all, just tired.

Yves

For You 。。。

I wanted to cry, I haven't a reason.

I wanted to shout, I haven't a reason.


I wanted to mourn, I haven't a person.

I wanted to be, I haven't a person.


I wanted to leave, I haven't a shelter.

I wanted to stay, I haven't  a shelter.


I wanted to dream, I haven't a future.

I wanted to think, I haven't a future.


The Past is taunting the present, ready to blast into laughter anytime the future fulfilled itself.

Past, Present and Future are constant and changing.


Everything dates back to 17 Dec 2008.


When the snow ball began rolling.

When the root began drilling.

When the ship began sinking.

When the heart began bleeding.

When the fire began burning.

When I began Falling.

For You,

For You,

For You,

For You,

For You,

And for You 。。。


  Time to lock up everything again, as I did, long time ago.

  Pain, is a part of feelings, a price I dare not pay, again.

  A Needle, a Hammer, a Pan, a Knife, a Poison, a Drug.

  What more can it make become?



Yves.

又累了。。。

  There are times, when finally after a long day outside, back at your own doorstep, you close the door, stare into the darkness, the living room, kitchen, bathroom, study room, bedroom, one by one, and begin to hope that something would suddenly begin to move, begin to talk, as if it is alive.

  Alone, in the darkness.

  There are no needs to turn on the lights, everything is well remembered, every corner, every object, they wouldn't run away. A cruel difference between people and things. Things won't and don't run away unless moved. People, do. They always do. You always do.

 
  Another meaningless day has passed, every second you are off the piano is a waste.

 
  I'm just tired.

  Yves.