I've seen a short video about how a relationship would begin and end, quite impressing, in the means of plotting. It was basically everything from getting to know each other to breaking up and moving on. What's really impressing was that moving on actually too is a part of "a" relationship. Normally, many people will think that moving on after an already broken relationship is an empty gap between two relationship but in that particular video, it was not.
From the past experience, moving on, is not to forget, but to remember. Remember everything that might upset you, store them up somewhere in the universe. Well, it's a method I discovered but not my way of dealing with it. It might just work for the others.
A little more explanation, if you are trying to forget something, the answer is don't, for you can't, ever.
To forget something, practically, you must have peace.
Peace, as the aspect of acceptance. You must truly believe that even if it does exist, it doesn't matter.
There was a movie namely... whatsoever, a mathematician from Harvard has the decease called... whatsoever, psychologically he's been having delusion of one of his best friend since university and a Nazi German that got him involved in a big plan. As he began his treatment after discovered by his wife that his friends and a big plan does not exist, he can't take it, he can't accept the fact that so much of his life wasn't even real. And so the treatment failed. Jumped through all the troubles in between, in the end he found that he just have to know that they are just not real, even if they seemed to exist, they didn't. The delusions some times still helped him to solve difficult problems. It turns out that some times what we saw and what we felt were just a mirror of what's inside of us. The delusions were just part of his way of thinking.
A little summary, not learn to forget, but to accept, and move on.
Well, all these yes and no, skies and mud, not my way.
Move on is never my problem, so do memories, I always enjoyed flipping through old memories from the past and try to recall every bit of them that were beautiful. It is very interesting to notice something new every time I did that, something I never had time to peel off from skin to skin and look through everything carefully. Well, not every time, just sometimes. Besides intentionally projecting them in the brain, I prefer memories that would bump up in the middle of nowhere, for example when I was cooking corn bread and that thing bumped up, when the LRT went passed some particular station, something bumped up and etc. And that's another reason why I like to collect small things or books or papers, for they store memories, and they are always the key to those long gone history and way passed corners.
So here it is, another ending. No tears of sorrow, no words of return. Just an end. Without tears, without nightmares, it ends. It's interesting that people are able to accept things much easier if it happened and happened, again and again. The ability to adapt, or what we usually called, get used to it, is very amazing.
The very first time everyone cut their finger, they must have cried. The first time they fell, they must have cried. And on the path of life, again and again, no one ever cries again. Whether it's a neurological or a psychological we don't know, but we know deep inside that crying doesn't change the truth that something's never going to be the same ever again. Therefore as we cried and cried, we stopped. It doesn't change anything.
Again and again and again, I brought up the conversation, I started it. Why always me? I don't understand.
Five times in my life, five times.
People usually think that the one who's been receiving hurts more. And so spears were pointed against the one who's been saying it. Well, we're not Sherlock Holmes, who knows?
有没有想过，if everything did not happen, would you still make the same decision? 如果没有那一次的来电，或许很多事都会更美好。忍耐，忍耐，结果还是在忍耐，互相地忍耐。If everything did not happen, would it be a lot more better for both of us? It might be. I really think that maybe it's time to make some changes, towards the good or the bad, no one knows. I once thought that what I long for was a pure heart and easy mind but in the end I find that it wasn't what I want, neither do the one I found.
Crucial talking, left to rot, why I'm always the bad guy?
Why is it wrong to give up?
Why is it wrong to let down and let go?
Why is it wrong to say I'm sorry?
怎么你声音变得冷淡了？
是我变了，是我变了。
It's not that I fall for others or I feel bored.
I always find the question and tries to solve it.
I have always failed to.
And then I gave up.
And everyone calls me a bad guy.
For giving up.
For knowing the question and trying to solve it.
Turning off the lights, I see dreams, those that were beautiful and with future.
Everyone of them, each and everyone of them.
Too much hope and believe, every time, each and every time of it.
I had a dream,
Where I could be save and sound.
Sleep in the embrace of the goddess.
Die under the sign of sols.
Warm and full.
I don't know how to walk again, on foot.
My limbs were torn apart like chains.
Every veins were crushed into inches and inches.
I can't walk again.
Who torn my legs?
I need some rest.
I need more dimensions to mend wounds from the past and in the past.
I'm going to start working soon. Kinokunia. A totally new environment for me, new job, new people, and new challenge. I know that its time t choose my song for the university audition. Things to learn are getting more and more, music, is not so simple.
A small thing happened few days ago, my friend and I were having different opinion towards a particular song. It was very different.
The past few months with my teacher have changed many of my way of thinking in music, its a breakthrough.
After seeing so much of the wonders in music, it is now very hard for me to really believe that I am able to reach that standard in just a few years time. Life as a pianist is not easy though. Unlike business, Law, Accounting,Finance, what you have to do is just memorize and write it out and you have your scores, you do whatever which will be the same thing everyday and you will have your salary blown up to ten grands in ten or fifteen years time. Ten grands, not much yet not least. You cant own a bungalow with that yet won't ever be starving. Life of music, time spent does not guarantee success or wealth, it's about time, but not time.
Things between us have changed a lot today. One who upsets the balance of nature will have themselves killed. It was oblivious that a relationship was build out of trust and with trust it prospered. One that was unable to give trust does not deserve a relationship.
I hate blogs now, for people will know what I was after, what I longed for and what I wanted to be. It's really hard when I have to care about so many things just whenever I wanted to write just something. Thus, I'm going back to my old style.
Thus the wind blows, shattered mirrors.
Memories of the old, like Titans they mourn.
Sacred love enthroned, deep lies it is.
Laughter or slaughter, let none be the answer.
Choice has to be, chosen or forsaken.
Minds could not be linked, differences have always been.
A treatment the same, clothing may vary.
Glacial spikes, everything's frozen.
I'm a wizard out of mana, a vampire craving for blood.
Blah~Blah~Blah~ These are not what i was going to write today. It is so fun to play with the toys, imitating them, grow their confidence, make some co-incidents, turn them over and crush them.
Noticed that if a person was bound by the thought that " this is fate", it is so easy to manipulate their minds again and again for they themselves will make the conclusion way before it even occurred. And the " what it used to be will forever be" mind set is deep inside of them.
If there were emotional bond in between at the same time, you can't stop the fun! For feeling is as glue, sticky and dicky. The moment they realized that they can't let go, is the time the work being perfectly done.
Human, can so easily befallen by the power of feelings, in another words, loneliness. In the very beginning, feeling is a feeling, they wanted to feel important, cared or taken by someone or something. It was fun seeing the same thing happening again and again around you. First they were lonely, then they look for one, get rid of loneliness, not long after that, again they suffered from it again. So Addictive. So Fun.
We always think that we still own another tomorrow.
Although poets and philosophers in the past have already told us so.
And at the innermost of our being, we always knew.
But yet we refuse to believe so.
And when the Day come and we have to believe, it's too late.
Titanic, dwelt on the sea, lies under it, and rot.
Jack and Rose finally understood, the Quest, will claim their lives.
People are always asking why school life always goes slower while a working life disappears in a blink of an eye. Well, reasons there might be, told not a many.
In school, we always wanted the time to go faster. While we were wishing for it almost every moment, we remembered everything that happened. On the contrary, wanting the time to go slower which we already have no time for everything, we forgot everything that happened. It's a trick planted deep inside our head when we were born.
Well a very good evening to my fellow friends, it is my pleasure here to share with you about music and what music really is.
Music, as many of you seemed to know but actually don't, is either a career path or a hobby.
When you want it as a hobby, you can enjoy the various good feelings that it has to offer. It is indeed a good way to release stress and express feelings. Drowned in the world of self saturation, you will never know how and what you are actually playing. Many of my "friends" told me that they are just following their feelings and some even told me that they just feel good when they play it. But trust me on this, if you were just following your feelings and ever felt that you were doing good and full of feelings, you were actually doing no much better than hell and sometimes worse.
When you want it as a career of your life, it will become both fantastic and realistic. Fantastic is that of the real music that you will get to listen to and great people you get to know. Every piece of music has its story and way of playing and every lesson is a portal to a brand new world full of mysterious harmonies and melodies.
Realistic, in another way, cruel. To do good music, as for a pianist, time,resources and talent are what matters the most. Time is first the time spent sitting in front of the piano practising and talking to ourselves. Second is the time we begin our long run on the little narrow path of music. Third is the time we have to vomit music out instead of swallowing them in, meanwhile, performing. Resources is the basic of all and so includes music. A good tutor, piano, environment, atmosphere and education. A good tutor gives a good instruction as incorrect instruction could ruin a pianist's life. A good piano trains the pianist's ears and fingers. In another way, concert hall never uses lousy piano. Environment, atmosphere and education stimulate and inspire the thoughts of a pianist. What goes, comes out. The last and the least, talent. It is a thing that won't matter much in the beginning but mattered the most in the end. Talent cannot overcome hard work and time but it can make a significant difference when both time and resources are the same. And that is what most people envied the most, Talent.
Tonight is the ASEAN International Chopin Piano Competition GALA Night, I was there and I envied them. The winners are so talented (some of them) and young, some are just 7 years old and some are 11. In my opinion,many of their playing were amazing yet not inspiring. Music should be something that is able to touch hearts of audience and lead them into fantasy. Stop dreaming!
People that are able to do that, we call them Maestro.
Everything here are just my own opinion and some might not agree with me. For those who wish to start a endless debate, please kindly press the "X" button at the top right of your screen and get off the page.
