深夜，呼吸著，喘息著，流淚著，無助著。
為什麼要繼續敲著鍵盤，發出連自己也不喜歡的聲音，
找不到原因。
一條道走到黑，不知道如何轉彎。
看著別家的燈火點燃著溫情，而我只有冬天不離不棄的陪伴。
越沉越深，為了逃避天明，逃避太陽照亮一切的光輝。
不愿面對最真實的你和我，還有我們。
天亮吧，還有明天呢！
雨天。
2016年11月10日星期四
2016年10月15日星期六
Lost 。。。
Once again I'm here, back to where everything begin. Not knowing where to go. A single tarot today pointed out the always has been quetion for me, what do I really want?
More and more I doubt the path I've taken now as a musician. More and more I doubt I mysle f as person. What's missing from the puzzle？ Really I cant thing of reason to wake up every morning except from surviving. And what is survive?
Walking on a path I thought I loved the most and slowly losing passion is like drinking poison and yet kept drinking. Drifting futher and further from the proper way, I am now wondering in the woods, crying for help. Yet no one heard me, no one. For I mutter to no one my voice, shout to no one my sorrow. I share my terror with the shadow of night, with the shivering breeze that blew me to sleep every morning.
Knowning what should be done and not willing to do seemed illogical to the world. I find it quite logical for it is what is happenning to me. Entangled, bounded and tied to a unforgiving cycle haunting me as I wake and sleep, and no shoulder to cry to.
What is going on? Don't I know it's 23 now? I do. But what should I do? Cry? Mourn? Compromise? Who can tell me?
Anyone? Talk to me?
What is the world going on?
I'm Lost
More and more I doubt the path I've taken now as a musician. More and more I doubt I mysle f as person. What's missing from the puzzle？ Really I cant thing of reason to wake up every morning except from surviving. And what is survive?
Walking on a path I thought I loved the most and slowly losing passion is like drinking poison and yet kept drinking. Drifting futher and further from the proper way, I am now wondering in the woods, crying for help. Yet no one heard me, no one. For I mutter to no one my voice, shout to no one my sorrow. I share my terror with the shadow of night, with the shivering breeze that blew me to sleep every morning.
Knowning what should be done and not willing to do seemed illogical to the world. I find it quite logical for it is what is happenning to me. Entangled, bounded and tied to a unforgiving cycle haunting me as I wake and sleep, and no shoulder to cry to.
What is going on? Don't I know it's 23 now? I do. But what should I do? Cry? Mourn? Compromise? Who can tell me?
Anyone? Talk to me?
What is the world going on?
I'm Lost
2016年3月28日星期一
The Beginning and the End 。。。
Still hard to believe that it's actually done. The very first recital of my life. The joy is tempting yet the burden will be greater and greater as it goes on. The joy of being on stage enjoying music is tremendous and I believe nothing in the world will ever be able to replace it. This may seem ridicule but I may have found the thing that I long for all along. Yet with great power comes great responsibility, what it will take for all the enjoyment is big. Time, resources and luck, as much as possible.
Music is neither just an occupation nor profession, it's a life style and to walk the path one has to contribute literally a life time pursuing for it to be perfect. Like what was told in the scripture : "One shall bare his own cross and follow me. " What I lack, is perfection.
Things are beginning to fall in place slowly, I hope this is not just another peace before the storm. I hate changes, I hate conflict. Yet these are the things that made music and life. Embracing them causes pain and fear, sometimes terror. Knowing clearly there's much more ahead, I'm hoping it'll get lesser and lesser. Change is never pleasant, so is life.
Big things come from small pieces. Feeling it very thoroughly through this recital, those time I spent waiting for it to happen, those time I spent dealing with excitement and pressure at the same time, they aren't like the video games where all that mattered was that little button you hit or didn't. They all came with price and sacrifice.
She is there, so far away, so uncertain, so futile. Commitment is like a wire to a kite, hanging on a single thread. Unsettling, worrying. I don't want to give up this time, I really don't.
It's been a really long week and many changes occurred. Were they just illusions? My audiences were all ... It's just so unreal, all these. Who I thought I was, I am, I will be.
I love, I cry, I become.
I am.
Music is neither just an occupation nor profession, it's a life style and to walk the path one has to contribute literally a life time pursuing for it to be perfect. Like what was told in the scripture : "One shall bare his own cross and follow me. " What I lack, is perfection.
Things are beginning to fall in place slowly, I hope this is not just another peace before the storm. I hate changes, I hate conflict. Yet these are the things that made music and life. Embracing them causes pain and fear, sometimes terror. Knowing clearly there's much more ahead, I'm hoping it'll get lesser and lesser. Change is never pleasant, so is life.
Big things come from small pieces. Feeling it very thoroughly through this recital, those time I spent waiting for it to happen, those time I spent dealing with excitement and pressure at the same time, they aren't like the video games where all that mattered was that little button you hit or didn't. They all came with price and sacrifice.
She is there, so far away, so uncertain, so futile. Commitment is like a wire to a kite, hanging on a single thread. Unsettling, worrying. I don't want to give up this time, I really don't.
It's been a really long week and many changes occurred. Were they just illusions? My audiences were all ... It's just so unreal, all these. Who I thought I was, I am, I will be.
I love, I cry, I become.
I am.
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