宁静时分 。。。

  2012 年 12 月 26 日，圣诞节第二天。晚上11 点 40 分。

  我刚回到，到了杯牛奶，香肠还在解冻。阵阵虫叫声传来，黄灯下，面对着自己。虫声停了一下，人总喜欢逃避，耶稣也曾想过逃避。逃避问题、麻烦、责任、痛苦、灾难或报应。我不知道，我正在逃避哪一些，也许全部都是。当逃避成为一种习惯，我们就会开始隐藏自己，个性、想法、感觉、样貌、过去和记忆。

  光彩照人的一面看多了，人就以为那个是真正的自己。

  那个自己，会得到众人的喜爱与肯定，在世界的舞台上勉强当个霓虹灯。

  久了，那个就是自己。

  我，就是自己。

  一句话，在一种场合，用一种语气，一种笑容和一种眼神说出口，杀伤力有一个公式。可能吧，我是不是应该再烂些，他们就满意了？再烂些，他就会停止一切的计划，再烂些，就不会被无端地叩上无端的责任。太沉重了。

  世界上不需要三个太阳，我也不想当月亮，放过我好吗？

  一圈一圈地绕下去，真的会有结果吗？

 
  天杀的自私，天杀的期望，我叉！

  自以为是的优秀血统，无中生有的天分，自我满足的期待，注定的尘埃。

  历代的期待，成为诅咒，我无法逃脱，亦无法破解。

  我恨，恨这人性的自私，恨这世界的无耻，恨这永远的枷锁，我恨你。丑陋的存在。


  想要就必须努力争取，以同样的话回敬之。无鞠躬尽瘁，死而后已之心，妄作飞龙在天，凤阳花鼓之想。并非人人如豪杰、云彩，驰骋疆场，翱翔天际。想对自己好点，去死吧。

  家族的光辉，无能的世代，未了的心愿，别人的心愿。说不必在意他人的眼光，只管冲刺梦想，是个屁。莫说是个梦。想问如何冲刺？去吧，去放羊，去挤奶，去向外邦人传好消息，去吧。如苏武牧羊，期望有未来？去你妈的。


  对不去，我不是你们家的，杀了我吧。

  杀了我！

我不是你家的。不是，不是。


  空洞的屋子，一个人住，是好的，也是不好的。自己一个，可以慢慢地面对自我，人性软弱的一面，赤裸裸的真相。不好，当想找个人抱着，你会笑。

  对于文字与符号特别敏感，在脑海中构成无数的画面。可选择了写作，一支笔，两支笔之间的起落。因为可以隐藏，加以修饰，把不必要的，删除掉。你不想要的，就不要。画画，里头可以暗藏无数玄机，符号的隐喻，色彩的告白。可终究逃不过共鸣的眼睛。一副隐藏的画，会隐藏隐藏隐藏，它不在上面。

  今天累了，不想玩捉迷藏，我只想说， Fuck you Bitch.

Yves    26 DEC 2012

已经回不去了 。。。

  话说已经毕业了啊，直至现在才真正地意识到。大家都开始找工作、找大学不然找归宿了。再过四天统考成绩就出了，其实大家心里都有数，结果会是如何。接下来的路，要自己走了啊。以前的同学，以后希望能再聚，但那将会是很久以后的事了，时间在走，人在变，水在流，大地聆听着。

  在过去六年，不，是七年里，加上国中的一年半，所经历的，是七十年也讲不完的故事。曾经，我相信这世界可用逃避运转下去。曾经，我相信纯真的一颗心就不会被人们所排剂。曾经，我相信真爱可以挡住一切的的魔障。曾经，我还相信一生人一次的恋爱和永远的爱的承诺。在很久很久以前，忍耐是必须的、欲望是必然的、性只不过是一种慰藉而邂逅与幽会像是甜点。在漫长的2556天里，一个个美丽的信念被残酷现实的长矛刺破，一段段自己亲手写下美丽的回忆在不灭业火的焚烧下逝去；是孽缘啊。

  不停地逃避，只会拉开自己与现实之间的距离，而一颗纯真的心的命运，就是被人践踏在地。爱不再是一种感觉，而是一种信念。因信念而存在的爱，才不会变质。真爱并不能挡住一切，人总有不愿等下去的时候，总有放弃的时候。

  恋爱，不只会在心中留下不能消去的烙印，同时也把两盏曾经闪亮的霓虹灯烧成入黑暗。往后相遇，只能无声地踩着对方街灯下的影子，回忆霓虹灯般转瞬即逝的曾经。

  如果说失败是成功之母，那成功之父一定还是失败。成功所带给人的成长，永远比不上失败的大。一次的失败，也不一定能换来一次的成功。毕竟双亲都是失败啊，一次的失败怎么能抵一次成功呢？

  接下来，要做的就是圆梦了。走上了音乐的路，19岁了还毫无成就，已经是一大败笔了。“寄希望于下一代”，那句话好像是这么来着。努力地在这领域打拼，为下一代赢得好的开始。有多少人能打娘胎起就听着音乐，弹着琴吹着歌呢？这么算起来我应该才9岁不是吗？开始能够明白很多父母望子成龙，望女成凤的心了。并不一定是爱慕虚荣，是上一代失去的，希望下一代能够成就。

  在学校，交到一班知心朋友是最重要的。上了大学，出了社会，同业的朋友不过怎么说都是竞争对手。这也是艺术之路的好处之一，有就有，没有就没有，竞争嘛，比赛见。赚钱固然重要，可这似乎是条饿不死也发不了财的路呀。

  一直以来，“朋友”的字眼鲜少出现在部落格中，因为这部落格原是用来发泄对于某个曾经所给予的束缚与枷锁的。现在的我，虽然多了很多朋友，但这习惯还是不变的。长久下来，已经习惯了只把不开心的事写出来，而开心的事就留在心里。写出来的同时，情感也流露出来，不开心的就让它去吧，开心的事应该保存好来。

  说到遗憾，有五个吧，亲手锻造的炼狱。话说还蛮开心的，若每件事都圆满地结束了，那这世界不就太没趣了吗？太开心时总没法写部落，没灵感。当然，后果是要自己承受的啦。

  今天说了好多，等下次吧。

    

Lost 。。。

Down the milky river flowed a cloudy mind,

The composer and the dreamer.


A fading star shining in the sky, awaits its death.

To the south it winks, while Athena goes dim.


Alchemist he is and necrolyte indeed.

Souls redeemed but none a mean.


Creek is the river and ocean is the sea,

He was a friend but a friend he is not.



I lost a friend, and I don't know why.

Merry Christmas.

Misty Mountain Cold 。。。

Far over the misty mountain cold,

To dungeons deep and caverns old.

I found a ring lying in the deep,

Where no one sees and nothing roams.

The sun will shine, awaken dreams,

The one awaits starts to sing.

When the dawn had fallen on the moon,

He seize the key and end the storm.

The pines were roaring on the height,

The wind were moaning in the night.

The one will claim, his endless reign,

The songs like devil, in the mind.

There alone the mighty dragon roar,

Till ocean screams and pebbles howl.

The hymns were ringing high above alone,

The dream were flowing in the eye.

The fire was red, in flaming spread,

The trees like torches blazed with light.

Far over the misty mountain cold,

To dungeons deep and caverns old.

The pines were roaring on the height,

The wind were moaning in the night.

The fire was red, in flaming spread,

The trees like torches blazed with light.

A Sink to the Underworld 。。。

I wanted to go,

To the sky that flies no clouds,

To the sea that pushes no waves,

To the desert that flows no sand,

To the field that wields no crops.

To the realm that no one sees,

To the world that bores no life.

Where the air is filled with fear,

Where the music of our world be silenced,

Where no stars shall shine and no sun shall rise,

Where you could cry but non shall arrive,

Only darkness and forever.


At dawn which no sun rises,

The feast begins.

To conquer and to slaughter,

For honor and glory,

In blood and rage,

We slay.


The deads wouldn't die,

For death is the salvation to pain.

Let us be the one to hit the drum,

For their doom are yet to come.


In the noon where the Moon rises to consume the winners,

I closed my eyes, to enjoy the slaughter,

Soundless screams, endless fear, merciless hands.

The moon smiles at you, You.

Welcome to the feast.

And there is a dawn for you again.


When i woke up, there were lights, there was life and there was you, little ones.

A little bit of sweet and gloomy.

More of a hymns than a dream.


Ah, the sun rises, it's not going to rain today.

Bye.


Yves Hon

The ship of Dreams -- Titanic

She was named the Ship that will never sink.

By whoever that believed so.

Such ironic.

Just like mankind, the world, life.

We always think that we still own another tomorrow.

Although poets and philosophers in the past have already told us so.

And at the innermost of our being, we always knew.

But yet we refuse to believe so.

And when the Day come and we have to believe, it's too late.

Titanic, dwelt on the sea, lies under it, and rot.

Jack and Rose finally understood, the Quest, will claim their lives.



  People are always asking why school life always goes slower while a working life disappears in a blink of an eye. Well, reasons there might be, told not a many.

  In school, we always wanted the time to go faster. While we were wishing for it almost every moment, we remembered everything that happened. On the contrary, wanting the time to go slower which we already have no time for everything, we forgot everything that happened. It's a trick planted deep inside our head when we were born.

  So as a result of these bullshit, time flies.